Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
