how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
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The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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