You can't motorboat a personality
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
