it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
should my penis look like a turkey
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
