There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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