I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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