I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
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the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
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All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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