i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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