i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
