you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
