Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
two words: eviction party
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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