i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You have to summon your inner elephant
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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