i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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