dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
