Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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