I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
