Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
