You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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