Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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