everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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