I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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