Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
