I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
