shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
