woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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