I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
