do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
