I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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