I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
