If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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