so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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