I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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