Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
