I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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