I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
