Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
