I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
