how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
