I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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