I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
