Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
