Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
