I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
