Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
