i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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