I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
