I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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