I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
