So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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