Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
