don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
