i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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