I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
