Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My cat gives me a boner
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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