Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
