I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
