I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
