I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
