you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
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I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
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I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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