God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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