I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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