I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
