i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You are the jesus of drinking
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
