i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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