he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
