you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
