We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
