Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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